Welcome to the inaugural Brian Devlin ‘knock up a friend’ (but not in that way) invitational trophy.
As we move into the last week, I’m going to focus this final blog on Election Day and the ways in which Labour members can get involved in the last big push. Moreover, I’m going to introduce a wild new idea this year for Election Day, the ingenuity of which may startle members of a more fragile disposition.
First though, a special mention to the team in Gaisford; ably led by Joe Thornton, they achieved something spectacular this week. In one 55 minute blast, Joe, Paul Eustice and Paul Bunting gained 60 Labour promises IN ONE ROAD! I'm not normally big on tweeny acronyms, but OMG! I'm not sure if there is anything in the Guinness Book of Records for 'number of election promises in a Gaisford street' but I'm getting in touch with Norris McWhirter (even if it has to be via a medium). A huge well done to the Gaisford team.
That's right, sixty promises in under an hour, wot?
In other news this week, Lee Cowen has built on his reputation for bringing big hitters to his ward- Jeremy Corbyn last year and now John Howarth MEP this week. Unconfirmed sources have suggested that Emmanuel Macron will be helping Lee with GOTV next week, in order to cement the special relationship between France and Mash Barn.
Mash Barn's favourites.
It goes without saying, that we need people to help on Election Day. There is: knocking up (knocking on Labour voters' doors to make sure they have voted); there’s telling (standing at the entrance of the polling booth collecting the voting numbers of the people who have voted, so that we don’t go to houses who have already voted) and there is, of course, offering lifts. In East Worthing, Paul Eustice has offered to help with this role, although he has instituted a zero tolerance ‘no flatulence in his car prior to 10am’ rule. Questions will persist as to why it’s okay after 10am.
With so many wards, and with us so close in terms of promises in many of these wards, this activity could mean the difference between a Labour or Tory councillor. So if you can skip work, or come before or after work, please do so.
It's the Selden crew, they like caffeine and beating Tories. And they've already had a coffee.
But this year we have something different, something so devilishly clever and exciting that my plump digits are slipping off the keys of my keyboard in exhilaration as I type it. Named after the man who devised the plan, this year we have the ‘Brian Devlin Labour Party ‘knock up a friend’ (but not like that) Invitational Trophy for getting people you know to vote’. Okay, the title probably needs a bit of work, but you get the gist. This is a competition for EW&S Labour Party members to see who manages to get the most people to vote who might not have otherwise.
And this folks, is the trophy.
Some may think that this trophy is just a picture that I randomly pulled off Google images in 2 seconds, but nothing could be further from the truth. This is the Brian Devlin Labour Party ‘knock up a friend’ (but not like that) Invitational Trophy.
It’s beautiful isn’t it? So, how do you get your hands on this little beauty?
First things first, we’d like to ask every Labour member to ask three people that they know to vote. This is a baseline ask, whether or not you wish to be considered for the trophy. If all 1200 members ask a minimum of three people then that’s an extra 3600 voters spread across the ward. These are the kinds of numbers that will have Tim Loughton and buddies scrabbling for the Imodium. That could really make the difference across our area (lots of people voting that is, not TL running to the loo) so set yourself a task folks. And make sure to remind them where and how to vote. Research says that this increases the chances of voting by 15%. Anyone who gets three or more people to vote is entered into the competition.
Alas, there are of course rules to this competition.
- You need to have got three people minimum to enter the competition.
- The people you get to vote have to either not have been intending to vote or were equivocal about whether they could be bothered as it’s ‘only the locals’. Shouting at someone on their way to the polling booth that they should vote doesn't count.
- The people you get to vote have to not be Tories. If you are unsure whether someone in your social circle is a Tory (because of course they’ll probably want to hide it!) ask them whether they think Grammar schools are a good idea. This should do it. If you are still unsure, follow up with ‘Is benefit spending out of bloody control?’ These two questions positively identify 98% of Conservative voters.
- Family members count so get them out on May 3rd. Family members who don’t vote Labour, but will after you’ve worked on them, count double. I’m starting on a total of two since my mum voted Labour for the first time in her 70 years this time around, although a visit from Mel Jenner helped (‘very impressive’) so maybe Mel can have one of the points.
- These people have to be in Adur or Worthing. Persuading your friend in The Hebrides to vote Labour isn’t going to get Tim Loughton and buddies scrabbling for the Imodium (ps. apologies for two mental images of Tim Loughton with bowel trouble).
- They can't be made-up people, so don’t be trying any Grant Schapps shenanigans. We need real voters.
- You can't count yourself, obviously. Unless you were planning on voting Tory, in which case well done for convincing yourself not to.
- Only members whose friends are visibly tired of them constantly telling them to vote Labour this week will be considered for the trophy. Documentary evidence of this is not required.
The unbridled joy of the last day of canvassing.
WE ARE SO CLOSE. Indeed I want to emphasise this so much that this is the first time I've used capital letters (to the great frustration of the people who have been proofing these blogs) [What about IN ONE ROAD?!? - Ed][Oh do shut up Brian - Carl]. Not everyone can help on Election Day but, regardless of whether or not you are energised by our infantilising election game gimmick, if you set yourself a target of at least three people between now and Thursday it might just make the difference.
Although true happiness is being in Broadwater.
So go on folks, give it a go and tell me how many voters you manage to get. I’ll tally the totals and announce the winner at the next CLP meeting after our astounding election campaign is finished.
When not holding Tory councillors to account or canvassing for your vote, Lee enjoys spending time with his family, listening to music and pointing at poo.
Now help us win!
Welcome to the inaugural Brian Devlin ‘knock up a friend’ (but not in that way) invitational trophy. As we move into the last week, I’m going to focus this final...